Things people told me before I had a kid…

When people find out you’re having a kid, they completely open the floodgates to unsolicited advice which includes all kinds of terrifyingly graphic advice regarding the delivery of your baby and then advice all about the parenting that needs to happen after said delivery. Honestly, it was way too much information – and while I’m happy for my friends who have experienced the joys of an at-home water birth or an epidural-less delivery, I strongly believe in the Amy Poehler mantra (GOOD FOR HER, NOT FOR ME).

So on October 25th, I’ll have an 18 month old which pretty much makes me a seasoned expert (ha!). In honor of this milestone and my daughter’s official graduation from The Wonder Weeks, I thought I would review and analyze some of the things I was told when Morgie was in utero.

You won’t want to be a stay-at-home mom (on the Mom sites this is shortened to SAHM – HOW CUTE).

This is a loaded one. While I think going back to work when my daughter was 12 weeks old was pretty jarring and horrifying, most days I’m sure I’m a better mother BECAUSE I work.

At work, I’m focused on projects and initiatives that I cared about before having a child. Some days, it makes me feel very connected to the person I was before I became a mother, which I value.

I also think there are so many good parts of Morgan that have developed because she’s in daycare. Right now, she’s surrounded by quite a few people who give her extra love plus she spends 4 days a week with other kids. I’ve been lucky in that I haven’t worked Fridays since having Morgan so I get an extra day with her each week.

There are days that I feel really guilty. Mondays are the worst days for me. But currently, this work situation works best for our family.

I’d also like to acknowledge that we live in the DC area so me staying home full time is actually NOT an option.

You will never sleep again.

Eh. The answer to this one for me is yes AND no.

Here’s some of MY unsolicited advice for anyone who hasn’t had their kid yet. Don’t waste your money on hospital birthing classes or parenting skills classes (diapers and baths are not difficult…) (DEFINITELY TAKE THE INFANT CPR CLASS – we’ve delivered choking back blows three times already). Buy the top 10 baby sleep books on Amazon and READ THEM WHILE YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT. Then formulate your plan A and plan B on how you’ll get this baby to sleep.

But, hey listen… my sample size is 1 child so you do you. I’m definitely not an expert but it was a priority and I treated researching baby sleep like I was researching for my thesis. I’m not gonna tell you how many weeks old she was when she first slept through the night because that’ll just piss you off.

Also – I didn’t sleep great before I had a child because the weight of the world and anxiety and bad choices, etc. So now I just have approximately 10 million more things to worry about which definitely impacts my sleep. But it’s not her, it’s me.

You will hate your partner.

I just have to include this one because it’s so hilariously accurate and everyone thinks they are above it. It’s not a constant and steady hatred but there are moments where you will look at the person and think “What in the actual eff.”

I’m sure sometimes this dynamic change requires marital counseling but I do think you should find a way to acknowledge these bad moments in a productive way.

You will love/care about your dog less.

Please. Anyone who knows me well enough would never have said this in the first place. Here’s the thing: I LOVE HER EVEN MORE NOW. Jesus God, I never knew just how easy I had it with Chloe. She’s a rescue so she’s a little quirky but she is the definition of low maintenance.

I remember there were times when she stressed me out because it took her approximately 36 minutes to find the PERFECT place to poop or the times where it cost me like $700 for her to be diagnosed with a minor stomach bug.

No, I love and appreciate her more now because she is a real breath of fresh air. I just wish I had more time to show her how much I love her.

IMG_0270 THE GOODEST GIRL.

There are a million other things I could review (breastfeeding is hard- YEP!), but this is already too long so maybe I’ll do a second edition if I can think of some other clever thoughts.

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